Must be a sensitive kind of thing cos I used to feel that way about my body too and especially about giving birth...I think what the real issue here is defining your reason for having a baby. Pressure is not a good reason. When it is time and you know it and feel it in your gut, then your fears will become secondary to the main goal of having a child. Not everybody wants children or can even have children. There are other alternatives such as adoption or fostering that are not bound by our body clocks. In any case, you are 35, not 45 so it doesn't hurt to put this on the back burner for awhile and give yourself room to breathe.

True... thank you. In the past I felt more ready and positive about it but now the fears are blocking me. Plus the pressurising feeling that comes from SEVERAL people telling me that I'm getting older and to do it now. I've never been one to do something because other people tell me to - in fact I usually go in the opposite direction and do things when I'm good and ready. So it would be a first if I did this because of what other people are saying. The doctor gave me a prescription for folic acid, which I might start taking anyway since I know it's very good for your cervical cells and for your hair growth... other than that, I would like to have a baby sometime and my thoughts of life *after* childbirth are always good ones. I just think it would be so nice to have a family. There have been times where I'd start to get excited because my period was late! But with where I'm at right now, my fears and the pressurised feeling are going to have to subside first so I can feel freer about it.

Having a family is nice, but it is alot of hard work and coming from someone who has chosen to try and study as well as raise children, you learn that flexibility is key to survival. At the moment I have one child down sick with the flu, another out of school with severe anxiety and I have no time for study let alone myself. This will be the first time I cannot complete a subject for uni and it is taking it's toll on my self esteem. But children always come first. And that's the thing about having them - you never know what is going to happen. I think you are very wise to have worked through your feelings about it now rather than later when the choice just isn't there. Once a child is on it's way, there is no going back to the shop for a refund lol.

Yep. All things to consider. Everything else would have to take a back seat, which is ok with me. May be a good thing that I am taking this year for me, to do my own thing. Sorry to hear about you not completing your paper - I can see how that would affect your self-esteem, but you know it is really no reflection on you personally or your abilities right? It's all down to other things having to take precedence. I think there are two papers I didn't complete when I was doing my degree. One that almost didn't complete but just scraped through on a C or C- was where I had completely overwhelmed myself by doing too many third year papers in not one but TWO subjects, and I found that I had no time to complete the final assignment (which was worth 40% of the entire paper). I didn't ask for an extension (being young and not confident enough), so I didn't do the assignment. Another paper in my first year that really wasn't 'me' bored me so much I stopped going to the classes, rather than withdrawing from the paper. I didn't go to the exam and now my record says that I was absent. I figured it was better to be 'absent' than to 'fail'. Another paper, I couldn't go on with and withdrew from when my grandmother died. I got a special circumstances withdrawal on bereavement grounds. So I have three instances of not fulfilling all the requirements for a paper. At the time I felt bad about it, but in retrospect that was life, and I always had other chances. My study life has had so many setbacks and delays it's crazy... but the delays have all worked out for me, because without them I would not be doing what I am doing now (my thesis on a topic that is truly what I love), older and wiser and even more appreciative of the opportunity to study. You will have other chances too, and you will find that next time will be much better, and there may just be a silver lining somewhere along the way. The delay to completing your degree may just be a good thing. So don't feel bad.